


The Journey

by samothrace



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 02:03:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10584120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samothrace/pseuds/samothrace
Summary: Ellie and Alec think about the past three years, about their friendship and the case.





	1. The Journey - Part 1 (Alec)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec thinks about the past three years and his choice of being in Broadchurch again.

The police station was chaotic as Hardy had often seen. There were folders, people passing by, altered voices, scattered evidence on the table, a lot of notes. The board with the full list of the men who had been at the party was devastating: it emitted a painful force in the room, and every one passing through it turned pale and discouraged. The list was unscathed last week, and now with several annotations added, but no response.

All this seemed to fall on Alec's back. He felt a permanent nausea, an irritation. He had to solve the case, other women could be attacked. But now everything seemed worse, because of Daisy. He failed with his own daughter, was absent once again because he buried himself in another case, when the promise was to start again together. The last time, he slipped into a hole of self-destruction and almost died. The heart operated almost like a bomb dropped by pills so it would not fall, and he had already become used to hide the fear of death and the attacks. He looked at all the vast vision of the city of Broadchurch and that sunset of stupidly beautiful colors, as if Nature said she would remain untouchable, while he might die without her noticing, and Pippa would be forgotten too.

This phase had passed, thanks to Miller. She had settled the case, finished with his nightmares. One day he should say that to her. He felt there was always so much, but so much to say to her, but he never knew how to begin. In fact, starting something was na option he'd forgotten how to do. The years away from Broadchurch were nothing he expected. Deep down, he wanted that, coming to Sandbrook, life would begin to have some new meaning. As if the clock hands were all this time running counterclockwise.

However, it was not so. It seemed worse. Ellie's absence, the last time he saw the detective's face, was all fresh and painful. He wondered if he had let any chance pass in that town. What he lived after solving the case was torment. Discussions with Tess, with Daisy, the overwhelming effort to regain her daughter's trust, her difficulties at school. And the trial of Sandbrook’s case. See all your past twisted once again. He felt bad for wanting that trial to be a little closer to Miller again, because the ground where she stepped was safe for him and her atmosphere was open and light. The trial was short-lived, and he still remembered her smile when she'd finished the case, which they both succeeded at it. They said goodbye with a handshake, Ellie again feeling emotional. "Hm, Alec, try to rebuild your life, okay?" She whispered.

It was impossible to rebuild when there was almost nothing. He split a flat with a former co-worker, forced himself to go out with him and a group of colleagues to pubs, where he felt suffocated and worse than before. He ued to left TV on in the background at night to pretend there was some company. Soon after, he rented a flat, and Daisy helped to choose some objects to decorate it, and there so it would look as close as something called home. Alec picked up the last boxes he had left with Tess, and tried to make that space something he liked to return at the end of the day.

Absence was his only company. Days without motivation, irrelevant work as a detective. Noticing that he was about to explode of sadness, when Daisy looked worried to see the sink full of dirty dishes for several days, the flat dirty and the bed unmade, Alec downcast and without any trace of that fury that used to give him life, the girl insisted, shouted. And it worked, he accepted therapy with a lot reluctance.

In a way it was good to get back to learning how to communicate. On days when all the chaos of Sandbrook exploded, Alec spent weeks without talking to anyone. His voice was foreign to the ears, the impact of really being alone was nauseating. Now being able to talk to someone seemingly neutral sounded good.

Obviously the therapist gave tips to pass the time. He followed them, always complaining, even though he trusted the therapist, who had soon noticed how stubborn he was. But being able to get interested in the things he had enjoyed so long, the movies he used to watch with his mother, and the songs he liked to listen to, there was something that comforted him. Every night he wondered how to get in touch with Ellie, if she was all right. But how to talk to someone who, in the end, had her life changed by three words he once said? "It was Joe."

Back to Broadchurch was, in fact, the sign he had tried. He fought all the fights and searched all the ways stubbornly. But everything was always on that beach with those Jurassic cliffs that shocked him. To the cliffs, no matter the pain he felt, it was still that huge mountainous construction that existed millions of years ago. In the end, for Alec, returning meant to stop fighting, stop choosing a stupid blindness, and accept that town with Ellie had meant a fresh start. And Daisy deserved the hope he had next to Ellie.

Now, sitting at that Police station once more, he saw Trish being forced to go on with her life, even though she was devastated. Another devastated person in the world because of the terrible actions of others. And there was Ellie. Always hiding how much the case affected her. He was stupid, always was, he had not thought he'd need to offer more this time. He couldn’t ignore the signs that Ellie was tired, shaken, because everything reminded her of Joe. And Hardy, was always working mechanically to find evidences, and forgot that there were human situations in the midst of all this chaos. Situations he always feared because he never knew how to deal with them.

All this populated his mind, and no one knew. There was pride in that. And weigh too. He miss terribly sharing a day with another person. The truth is that he shared his days, his nights, until he could no longer work, with Ellie. And almost as if she knew what was going on in his mind, Ellie walked into the living room and sit on the couch in front of him.

-Do you also feel that there are moments you can’t take it anymore? That you just want to lean in any corner and I don’t know, stop existing a little? Those big brown eyes looked at him with weariness. He could not tell if it was a rhetorical question, but he had to start answering them.

-Hm, always, maybe?

Ellie laughed weakly and tied a lock of hair behind her ear. He would try, this time.

-Ellie, you want some tea? - He asked with agitated urgency, getting up. He saw the surprise in her eyes and felt ashamed. Why did something so simple seem to surprise her? It was his fault. Why did he always have to make it difficult? Ellie deserved so much more. Do not be happy just because he used her first name instead of her surname.

-Of course, it's not every day you offer it. But I'll punch you if you offer me a microwaved tea. That was disgusting, you know, right? - Hardy answered, rolling his eyes. It was to his astonishment that Hardy noticed that he was still standing there, watching her laugh, which could illuminate the room as a timid sunbeam entered through the window. Hardy blushed, and went to prepare the tea.

On his return, Ellie was on her cell phone. She talked to Fred, and her voice was so sweet that it made Alec forget that outside the police station had horror. He sat down next to her and allowed himself to hear, remembering when Daisy used to brought from school drawings every day. The memory made him smile. And Miller noticed. Hardy tried to hide his smile and made a move to pass the yellow mug to her. However, she lowered the mug, still in Alec's hands, propping it on the couch. And she let her hand rest in his hands. It lasted a minute, Ellie smiled at him as she heard Fred. At the end of the call, Ellie looked at him, took the mug, and found the sweetest look she had ever seen on Alec. This time he did not look away and searched for Ellie's hand. They did not say anything, but this time they both knew that, for a moment, they could actually feel the innocence of days they did not even know could still exist.


	2. The Journey - Part 2 (Ellie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie thinks about the past three years and how much the case affects her.

The living room was chaotic. There were no more limits, it was necessary not only to work at the police station, but at home as well. Still, Alec wanted to be close to Daisy, and Ellie admired him for that. In the midst of so many papers, Ellie could see that Alec was discouraged. She'd learned to recognize when he was about to give up. It was not something ordinary, in fact, it was so subtle she could doubt it if she noticed even the way he squeezed his tired eyes after taking off his glasses. But yes, he was tired, almost defeated.

So was she, the case had such a thin line for her that it was always easy to forget the limits. Nightmares lingered, she often found herself looking out the window and thinking of Trish, how she was in need of overwhelming strength to leave home in those days, how each step for the other women were also meaningful. And there was Beth, making her proud to turn mourning into help. Thinking of them, contemplating all those papers scattered on the floor, and everything she and Alec had been through in the last few years, seemed to add up desperately. And then came the urge to cry.

She did not want to show any weakness. Even knowing that it was okay to be vulnerable in that situation, Ellie had learned to defend herself with some sarcasm, to say that they just had to do their job, but she pretended that it did not make her think of Joe. All those years of therapy led her to the most painful facts: she wondered a lot, what if Alec had not solved the case? She would still be living with a killer. Would her sons be safe?

She did not necessarily need the marriage to be a sum of domestic violence, aggression, and daily psychological pressure to let her know it was abusive after all. Joe had lied, abused a child, and killed Danny. He found a cold way of hiding everything. He was with her throughout the investigation, he was the one to whom she called, wishing to find hope. He lied at the trial, chose to watch everyone suffer. All the marks were there, still burning. What affected the women around her, had been affecting her as well. All it all had been interfering in her self-esteem, her sexuality, her fear of trusting other men, and the feeling of being alone.

Ellie did not want to cry, but somehow she wanted to be able to say something to Alec. Speak what she really feels, and do not hide. He approached her, somewhat startled, and sat down beside her on the couch. Carefully, he rested his hand on her shoulder, and this time Ellie did not dodge. She reached for him, leaned her head against his shoulder, and they stayed like that for a few minutes.

-Do you want to talk about it?

-It's just ... I'm so sorry for Trish. I'm so afraid of failing. And ... it all reminds me of Joe. It does not matter if time goes by, it still hurts - She lifted her head to face Alec - What if you had not settled the case? How would it be?

-Do not think about it. Not worth thinking about things that had not happened, Ellie.

-Sometimes I have nightmares that he's coming back. I also wonder ... I think I'm being a lousy mother, no matter how hard I try ...

-Have you talked to anyone about this?

-I'm talking about it with you.

She did not expect him to say many things to comfort her. His presence seemed enough. He sighed, took her hand and looked directly into her eyes.

-Elie, you're doing well, you're doing everything you can. You're a great mother. It's ... you’re the strongest person I've ever met, there's no problem in crying or feeling bad, that does not mean you're not strong - Alec saying that with his usual fury and looking at her with so much sincerity, when she knew it was difficult for him to show solicitous or even interact with someone, was what moved her. He was trying. Ellie sighed and gave a half smile. Alec took a deep breath, tried to speak. And she waited.

-I never told you, but ... I was too scared to die before the surgery. In one hand, I wanted so much to get the case solved, but I did not had the strength. I even wanted to die, somehow. And another part of me felt that everything had been in vain at the end. All my penance. And I did not want it to be like that. But ... what made me try, what came to my mind the last instant before the surgery was you and Daisy. Saying you would solve the case. Even if something had happened ... I knew you would keep trying. I ... I did not want to put that responsibility in your hands. But ... you were hope for me. And the fact that despite everything that was happening you still wanted to do the right thing ... it helped me.

Ellie blinked in amazement at hearing him comment on something so intimate and to see his eyes speak so fearlessly. She did not know what to say. Both were tired, and in that room full of papers and desolation, something made sense. It was as if every moment of all Alec's behavior, in avoiding any social and emotional interaction, would come together as pieces and now she could see. In spite of all his grumpy temper, with which she had already grown accustomed and even learned to like, who Alec Hardy really was, there before her, in all his vulnerability, of someone who had been alone before death and still tried to find justice for the others. And in this discovery, she understood that, despite all the storm of the last few years, she was still chasing some way. It was okay to be scared.

That's why she did not know what to say. And then she just held his hand, looked into his eyes, and finally hugged him. Muttering, Ellie said:

-I'm glad you’re back.


End file.
